Something to talk about
by smoria
Summary: It was my take on Rosslyn. Written before the season premiere. First in a series of five stories; Something to Talk about, Something Worth Fighting for, Standing Tall, The Endgame, and Redemption.


**Something to talk about**

By Sheila

** **

**Press conference**

** **

**Friday Afternoon Early September**

"CJ!, CJ!, CJ!" erupted every time she finished answering a question.CJ scanned the audience for someone who hadn't spoken yet, preferably someone from a major news organization.

"Okay, Danny you're up.This is the last question folks."

"CJ, how does the president feel about his new gun control package being deadlocked in committee a mere three months after two of his senior staff were gunned down in front of him?"

CJ took a small breath.It was still impossible for her to talk about this without seeing it all happening in front of her.She had been paralyzed for the briefest of moments when the shooting started with no way to tell which direction was safety.Sam had seen her standing there and left his spot crouching behind a limousine.He had dived on her so hard.She hit the pavement, Sam on top of her.In front of her, she saw Leo a few feet in front of her, laying still, a pool of blood spreading around him.She remembered screaming and trying to reach out to Leo.But Sam didn't move.She yelled at him and tried to push him off, but got no response.Then she noticed the blood on her hands and clothing as she was trying to push Sam off.And then suddenly she understood why he wasn't moving.

*********************

Toby was watching the press conference from his office, pacing back and forth.He was mumbling to himself and occasionally gesturing to the TV when Josh came in.

"Do you see this?"Toby pointed."She was almost finished in there.Four days without the press coming up and she leaves Kincannon for last.Mr. Sound bite himself. What the hell kind of sense does that make?The next four days will be the answer to this question."

"She is going to be fine, Toby.Watch her, she is considering this one carefully.She is not going to rush into anything."

"You'd think that they would have the decency to leave her alone about this."

"Shh Toby, listen to her."

******************

CJ hoped that her brief pause was imperceptible to the ever vigilant press corps.

"Well, Danny, the president is, of course, disappointed that Congress has not gotten together behind this with its full support.However, the president is not worried.The creativity with which some members of congress interpret the fourth amendment is not new.The president understands the right to bear arms.He also understands that automatic weapons have no sporting purpose, are not suitable for personal protection, and are not necessary for protection against home invasion.The president will wait out the rhetoric on this issue. The fact that he was a witness to an armed assault on his senior staff has only served to strengthen his resolve on this issue."

"Does the fact that the president has a personal agenda on this issue take away from the credibility of a bill written as strongly as this gun control bill is?"

"No, Danny it does not.Most of the bills on the floor involving crime have been developed by or backed by persons with personal involvement in the solution to that crime.You could ask if the architects of Megan's law were unreasonable in their agenda that sex offenders get registered because it was advocated for by the family of the murdered child.You can bet that family certainly had a personal agenda."

"Okay, that does it.The president is off to Camp David until Monday. Have a good labor day weekend.And we will see you back here, same time, same place on Tuesday."

She hoped that nobody noticed that her hands were shaking as she left the podium.She forced a smile and waved at reporters as they gathered up their notebooks.She dropped her notes with Carol and quickly headed to her office, hoping to get there before the tears started running down her face.

***************

"She did good, Toby." Josh said turning away from the TV screen. "She turned the focus on the issue of a stalemate onto congress and she showed that the president was a human being."

"Yeah, she did good." Toby agreed distractedly.

Toby was standing right outside his door at this point not really listening to Josh at all.If he stood exactly right and leaned a little, he was able to spy into Sam's office at such an angle where he could go somewhat unnoticed.He did this a lot these days.He tried to be nonchalant about it so Ginger and Bonnie tended to keep their smiles to themselves.Who knew Toby could be such a mother hen.

Sam had only been back for three weeks now.He was still doing daily physical therapy for his right arm and shoulder.The doctor had told Toby that Sam should ease back in slowly.He had said Sam should not do any writing or typing if it was painful.Patience was the key.And Toby knew that if Sam disliked being patient and careful half as much as he thought Sam did, this was not going to be a smooth recovery."There it is," Toby thought as he spied on his young friend typing on his laptop.The grimace.Toby knew that Sam was way past a point of comfort. Yet there he was, typing away.

"You shouldn't spy on people." Josh said coming up behind Toby.Toby gave him a quick glare and continued with his surveillance.

"I am going to kill him, Josh.He promised me that Kathy would do the typing if there was any pain."

"Yeah, well killing him has been tried recently so let's focus on another way to get him to behave."

Toby winced a little inside.Being sensitive was never his strong suit. Still he should know better than to make a crack about killing Sam.Toby didn't have to close his eyes to remember everything in full detail.For him, it was mostly the sounds.He had been trampled by the secret service men getting the president into the limo.So, bruised and rumpled, he had stayed down, seeing nothing.He heard the gunfire and the orders being shouted between the agents.And then he heard the screaming.CJ screaming.There was no question about that.Someone had shot CJ.This was clear.He tried to get up and an agent grabbed the back of his coat.Josh was yelling at him somewhere in the background.Later he heard that two agents had to restrain Josh for some time after pulling him off the fence he was trying to scale to get to the rest of the staff.

Toby had shed the coat leaving the agent with nothing in his hands but a good cotton/polyester blend.He stayed close to the ground not knowing where to go.CJ's screams continued.But the shooting had stopped.Now the shouts of secret service became louder.Civilians were cautioned to stay down.Some agents were ordered to hold their positions.Others were told to survey the area. CJ's screams came again.Toby couldn't wait any longer.He got up in full view to find her and saw her among bodies on the other side of the car.There was blood everywhere.He ignored the shouts to stay down and quickly rounded the car.He grabbed CJ and pulled her to him against the car.She was sobbing. He was searching her body for wounds when he realized that the two bodies at his feet were Leo and Sam.

"Let's go in and tell him to knock it off."Said Josh interrupting Toby's reverie. Besides it's almost time for us to get to the helopad for our fun-filled adventure weekend at Camp David."

Toby winced.This time noticeably.

"You are not getting out of this.There is no way and no how, my friend.And you will enjoy yourself or you will at least pretend.I will sew a smile on your face if I have to."

Sam appeared at his door.He still looked like his poster boy self albeit a much paler version.Josh and Toby noticed the sweat beading at the top of Sam's brow.

"You wouldn't be lurking outside my office again now, would you Toby?" Sam asked grinning at his boss.

"You are going to wear yourself out, Sam, and you are going to get sick.And then I am going to have to call your mother on the phone.And while I do not mind speaking to your mother, she is after all a lovely and gracious woman, I do not want to have to tell her more bad news about her son."

"He gives me the same speech about thirty seven times a day."Sam said to Josh."It's like my mom lost her hair, grew a beard, and moved in next door to my office."

"Okay, well knock off.Get your gear. You are done for the day.The only other job we have today is to stuff ourselves and the crabby, bald Jewish guy here into a helicopter," Josh grinned at Toby hoping that a little teasing would lighten his mood.

Toby glared at both of them.Sometimes all he had left was his supposed look of evil.And even then, it seemed as if more and more people these days were immune to its powers.

"Toby, the president wants to see you for a moment before you go to the helopad," called Bonnie leaning away from her desk.

"Hey, don't worry there, big guy.We'll bring your stuff," Josh called after him.

"Plus the fifty three pounds of briefing memos with which you plan to relax," Sam added with a grin.

Toby didn't even bother with a parting shot.He didn't a lot these days.Twenty hour days, seven days a week tended to leave a person lacking in the witty comeback department.He just sighed and headed off in the direction of the oval office. 

Josh turned to Sam as Toby was rounding the corner.

"Behave."

"What?' said Sam gesturing with his hands.

"He has been through a lot this summer."

"We have all been through a lot this summer, Josh."

"You don't notice how tired he looks.You have missed a lot, Sam.Most of the summer he has lived in his office, sleeping on his couch, if he sleeps at all."

Thinking for a moment about how much to tell Sam, Josh sighed heavily and continued.

"He has put together the strongest, most researched, and the most unwinnable gun control bill in the history of the United States.He has compromised on nothing, Sam.In the House, they call him Don Quixote.They actually ask for Don Quixote when they call here.But he was determined that Congress was going to do the right thing even if it meant he would have to destroy himself in the process."

"Right now, this very minute, the president is telling Toby that the bill is dead.He is telling him to put it away.In two weeks, we can revisit it with a compromise package.This one will pass and it will still be stronger than anything in law currently, but it won't be the comprehensive gun control package that Toby envisioned.I don't know how he is going to handle this."

"Wow.I am that out of the loop," Sam gave him a shocked look.

"Yep.So you are going to behave so that Toby doesn't have one more thing to worry about.And you are going to take your pills."

"I don't like them."

"So"

With that, Josh turned and strode out of the room leaving Sam in his doorway.He leaned against the doorframe and winced when his shoulder met wood.He closed his eyes for a moment before summoning the ever present Kathy.

"Kathy, could you find someone to carry my bags and Toby's to the helopad?And my pills.If you can find them, can you make sure that they get into my bag?"

"Good for you, Sam," Kathy smiled at her young boss.

**The Oval Office**

** **

****Josiah Bartlett looked up as his chief of staff, Leo McGarry, entered his office.He leaned heavily on a cane, walking slowly, with a distinctly annoyed look on his face.The president could see his assistant, Margaret, hovering right outside the door near Mrs. Landingham's desk.It was hard work stifling the grin that threatened his face as Leo approached his desk.It was just so good to see Leo back in the office again even though it meant seeing his friend struggle with the painful recovery of a shattered hip.Despite the pain he must be feeling at this moment, Bartlett knew that Leo's cloudy face expression was about something quite different.

"Is Margaret still driving you nuts?"

"Oh, Jed, she follows me everywhere.She wants to do everything for me.I told you about yesterday, didn't I, when she literally chased Fitzwallace out of my office when he stayed longer than 20 minutes."

"Yes, you did," said the President letting his grin emerge fully. "But I want to picture this one again.She actually walked in on your meeting with arms folded and told Fitz that he was tiring you and that he would have to be rescheduled for later in the week."

"Yup.Fitz took one look at her steely glare and hightailed back to the Pentagon. I swear to God. And there is a new one today.Now she wants me to take afternoon naps. She actually suggested that we fit my office with a hospital bed."

"And your response to that one?"

"I fired her…. Twice.She ignored me."

"Good girl.She deserves combat pay.I am going to tell Landingham to give her a bump in salary this very day."

"You will be merely encouraging her to further violate my rights as a human being."

Toby entered quietly in that moment saving Bartlett from further conversation about the ongoing "Life with Margaret" saga.The mood instantly changed.Toby brought with him a weariness that settled in the room around him. Bartlett dreaded having this conversation with him.They had all wanted this bill to pass for very personal reasons.But Toby had been given the lead on this.It had been the president's way of directing the pain and rage he had seen on his communication director's face that first night.Toby had all but worked himself into a coma on this issue.To right the wrongs of guns in America had become a singular obsession for him.But it had to end.The wave of opportunity had crested and the time for heroics was over.Now it was time to think smart and to figure out the best way to salvage the spirit of this legislation.

Toby had mumbled some greetings and sat on the couch across from Leo.These days, Toby often had to look away for a moment when he was in a room with Leo. Sometimes he could still see the blood pooling around Leo's body.

It had been one of the first things he had seen when he was holding CJ against the car.She was struggled against him. "Help them", she cried over and over without pause.It took a minute for him to realize that the blood on her came from the men at her feet. "I will", he hissed urgently into her ear, " But I want you to crawl under this car until the secret service come for you."She got quiet in that instant."It's too late for that."She said hoarsely. "Let me help Sam here.You should go to Leo."In that moment, her eyes held the only clarity that existed for him in this craziness.He let her drop to Sam's side and he stumbled over to Leo.

As he was trying to locate the hole in Leo's side, things began to happen quickly.Agents appeared in front of them still pointing guns, but standing in plain view of the building across the street. Then there were agents speaking to him, telling him that the battle was over and the suspects were subdued. Paramedics gently moved him out of the way.He searched for CJ and Sam.He found Sam buried under the equipment and uniforms of emergency service workers.Again someone gently moved him back until he was against the limo.A hand reached up for his and he found CJ sitting on the ground feverishly watching the machinations of emergency medicine.

" Hey Toby, are you with us?I thought we lost you there for a minute," said the President to his distracted Communications Director.

"I'm sorry, Mr. President.What can I do for you this afternoon?"

"Toby, we're going to put it away for now.We've gone as far as we're going to go with this thing," the President said, looking at him sternly.

"Sir, I believe that you have a point." Toby was nodding his head slowly. "But what I have been thinking is that we run at them with one more set of hearings."

"Who could we possibly put out there at this point?" Leo entered the conversation."We have covered this issue from all angles.What's been left unsaid?"

"I've been thinking that we put together a panel of our best witnesses to date, we'll revisit our strongest arguments.We'll hammer away at them one more time.We can couple the hearings with one more media blitz.I still think that we can get a little more play out at least two of the bigger newsmagazines and……

Pres. Bartlett interrupted Toby.

"No, Toby, we're done.We're done right now."

"This thing is dead in the water, Toby."Leo added."You must know that.Hell, I can't believe that you got as far as you did."

"That's it? It's over?" Toby cried, throwing his arms in the air.

"No, Toby, that's not it." said the President quietly. "We are going to let them play around in committee for a little while.Not long, but long enough for mid-term elections to be a consideration."

"Toby, you have to know that your work this summer was not in vain.You have almost single handedly added 10 polling points in favor of stronger gun control measures.And we are going to use that."

"What we are going to do is this.We're going to dust this off in about six weeks about a month before the elections.And then we are going to ask some pointed questions to some of our favorite legislators.And we are going to make sure that their constituents are around to hear both the questions and the answers.And then we are going to sit down with these guys and we are going to end up with most of what we want."

"We're going to settle."Toby said, struggling to stay calm. "On something this important, we are going to settle."

"We are not settling." Countered Leo with some irritation."We will be farther ahead on this issue than ever before in this country when this is over.I don't know what they call it where you're from, but it smells a lot like a victory to me."

"It's not.It can't be.Too many things will be left behind.I know that's what will happen.I'll be…we'll be failing so many people who have been destroyed by guns." 

"Toby, a lot of these guys want to walk with us." Added the President."But they can't.The NRA owns people, Toby.This is not just about changing minds.The bottom line for these guys is November.We don't have money.The only thing we can hit them with is votes."

"If we keep hammering away at this now, the people will have turned away from this by the time November rolls around.They will be burned out and they won't care anymore.We don't want that.I know you understand what I am saying.Hell, you taught me most of this stuff."

Toby' head became too heavy for his neck.He wanted to look the president in the eye and tell him that he was thinking this very thing, that he understood the vagaries of politics and the importance of playing the game, but he couldn't. It would have all been lies.This had been a crusade.He had carried forth a banner of right and justice.Any perspective he had on the reality of guns and politics had left him months ago.It was too much for him to do anything but nod wearily for the president.

"Toby, I want to tell you a lot of things you don't want to hear right now." Said the President softly."So I think I will spare you that discomfort.You should know that you have fought like a warrior, my friend."

"Things will be better in this country because of your work, Toby," Leo added.

Toby managed to get out of the President's office with his sense of decorum left in tact.There had been no opportunity to broach the idea that he stay behind this weekend.The President was not going to let him slip out of this no matter what excuse he could dream up. Besides he knew that the President and Leo would want him there so that they could try to "cheer him up".Toby figured that a weekend doing make-overs with a bunch of Mary Kay ladies would hold as much interest as this particular trip did for him just now.Toby decided that this was probably going to be the worst weekend of his life.And then he remembered that he had already experienced the worst weekend of his life a mere three months ago. Life is pretty rough he thought, when the two worst weekends of a man's life all happen in one summer.

** **

**CJ's Office**

** **

CJ checked her face one more time.She looked tired, for sure, but the red eyes and nose had almost disappeared."This will have to do," she sighed, gathering up her weekend bag.The knock at her office door made her jump a little.

"How you doing there, slugger?" Danny asked cautiously.

CJ tried to show an impassive face that hid the current state of her nerves.

"You don't need to pound on my door just to announce your arrival." She said, unable to resist some irritation.

"Okay."

CJ made a grimace and lowered her head.

"I'm tired, Danny.It shows.You're not doing anything wrong.It's me.I'm sorry."

"I asked a pretty tough question out there, CJ.I just want to make sure that you were okay."

"It's your job to do that.You shouldn't even have to ask."

"I know it's my job.But I don't enjoy hurting you. I want you to know that."

"You are sweet, Danny.I appreciate it."

"Yeah, I'm a sweet guy.And you didgood out there especially when you consider the lousy hand that Ol' Don Quixote keeps dealing you every week."

"Don't call him that." CJ said sharply."It's not funny, it's not cute, and it shows none of the respect you should have for a man that has works as hard as he does."

"I agree with you.And for your information, Toby has my respect.He is a brilliant man and he is a man of integrity.Which is why it has been so hard to watch him lose sight the big picture this summer.And then to have to watch you get dragged into a position of explaining his utopian gun control plan to the world at every press briefing."

"It's a good plan, Danny.Tell me it isn't."

"It is a good plan, CJ.But it's not a realistic plan.When you know that the world doesn't play nice, you don't put together a bill so laden with one agenda that half of Congress has to do a series of ideological gymnastics just to get on board.This bill has too much of what makes sense to you, and I, and anyone else that understands that guns kill too many people.It needs compromise."

"And you can't go out there acting like the NRA is some kind of after-school program.It is a large and powerful organization and it has clout.Toby seems to forget that or maybe he just thinks that it is enough that he is on the side of Good.You know, truth and justice will prevail and all of that."

"Are you finished, Danny?"

"Yup."

"I'll never get over how this city operates.Toby has almost killed himself trying to make a difference, and not just any difference, the kind of difference that will be really meaningful for the people in this country.That counts for nothing in this town.The only thing that matters is politics.If you are a politician, you are respected.If you are a human being, you're a fool."

"When the shooting happened, he saw a political opening.He knew that public opinion would be in his corner and he went for it.That was a smart move, CJ.But he didn't have enough to get all the way through, nobody would have.Still he doesn't recognize it.He has been on his back for the last four weeks and he is either too blind or too stubborn to say 'uncle.'

"Right now, CJ, I would suspect that the President is having a somewhat similar conversation with Toby.By next week, I would guess that you will be moving onto to new business in your briefings."

"The President is too committed to this, Danny.He would never do that."

"Okay, well then you tell me why Josh has been holed up in the Oval Office with the President and Leo all day.No Toby anywhere.Josh comes out and kicks a chair and then Toby gets summoned.So what do you think is going on?"

CJ dropped into her couch.She closed her eyes and started to massage her temples.After a minute, Danny wondered if she had forgotten that he was in the room.

"Danny," she said, eyes still closed."Do you think that Toby is the only one who has worked hard on this bill?Do you think that he is the only one who cares?"

"No," he replied softly."I know that you worked hard. It was a heroic effort by all of you.I guess I am tough on Toby right now because I know that he is smarter than this.And I resent that he seems willing to drag all of you down with him, especially you, CJ."

"I got tell you, Danny.I was a pretty willing participant on this.And, tomorrow, if he asks me to do this all over again, I would, in a minute."

"I guess that could be loyalty, CJ."

"What the hell does that mean, Danny?"

"I don't know."He sighed and started for the door.

"Do you want me to call when I get back?"

"What for?"He said wearily.

"We could get together and have dinner.Maybe Monday night."She said hopefully.

"Okay, we'll have dinner.Then you'll stare off in the distance from to time.You'll maybe ask me how my food is more times than I can count.I'll see if you are interested in returning to my apartment and you'll try to act interested."

"God, Danny!"

"Your heart's not in this, CJ."

"I want to be with you. You know that."

"I can remember a time when you wanted me.I have fond memories of goldfish andkisses in the stairwell.After the assassination attempt, I really thought we might be getting somewhere.You sitting on my doorstep at midnight, the week after the attempt, waiting for me to come home.I felt like a lucky man that night.You chose me.You came to me for comfort."

"Danny."

"CJ, I know that the passion in a relationship subsides after awhile, but I'm not sure that it is supposed to happen after the first couple of nights together."

"It has been such a tough summer.You have to give me time, Danny."

"CJ, I get the distinct feeling that you want this to work because you think that this is the right thing for you to do."

"I don't even know what that means."

"CJ, I don't feel anything from you.That's the bottom line.You're distracted. You are somewhere else.It's like you're fighting with something and I am not sure that you even know what it is."

"Oh, Danny."

"Don't call me, CJ.Find out what's happening to you.Then maybe we can be friends.We do that very well." 

** **

# Camp David- Friday night

Josh tried to pretend that a weekend at Camp David was nothing special.So when he walked around the cavernous living room of the main lodge, he tried to act casual and indifferent to his surroundings.But he was having a very hard time stifling the urge to start asking questions.Was this room they used to entertain the Soviet Premier in 66'?Was that the fireplace the Israelis and Egyptians sat around hammering out the Peace Accord of 76'?What presidents had the oversized leather couches held?

He knew that he was being a little ridiculous.After all, he worked in the White House every day and if he was looking for history, that would be where to find it.He certainly had been in awe when he had started there, but Camp David seemed different, more mysterious.Presidents rarely invited their staffs here for relaxation.This was for presidents only and, on occasion, for high-level conferences.Some very important issues had been discussed among world leaders within these walls.Josh was honored that his President would choose to bring his staff to this sanctuary with him.He just wasn't going to say it out loud to anyone except maybe the President.

Josh turned to survey the rather bedraggled group settled among the couches, baggage littering the floor around them.The president had gone off with the military staff to personally see to their accommodations.Of the group remaining, Sam seemed to be the only one showing any signs of life. From his couch, he was busy studying the walls around the room, no doubt asking himself some of the same questions about this lodge that Josh was.Josh chuckled to himself a little watching Sam.Sam was such a good and honest man.After their conversation earlier, Sam had found someone to carry his bags.He also made a point of taking his pills in front of Toby, undoubtedly in an effort to ease his mind about Sam's recovery.Toby, of course, was too sullen to even acknowledge Sam's presence. Josh didn't know what to do about his complicated friend.He hoped that a weekend away from Washington would bring a little peace and clarity into Toby's life. 

Another one to worry about was CJ.She sat in front of the fire staring intently at the flames. She had looked pretty upset getting into the helicopter and had rebuffed all attempts at conversation.But then she had been pretty distant all summer.The only thing that she had showed any passion for had been the gun control bill.

And finally, there was Leo.Perched uncomfortably on the edge of a couch, Josh knew that he lived with constant pain from his hip.He looked so tired.It was difficult enough to be the Chief of Staff without having the added pressure of a painful recovery.Josh wondered how he did it every day.For him, Leo was the definition of a hero.

"Okay gang, we are going to have rooms ready for you all in just a few minutes," said the President as he entered, clapping his hands together, trying to drag some energy into the room."We are going to have so much fun this weekend."

Josh and Sam were the only ones who were able to summon anything resembling an enthusiastic look.

"How about some cards, tonight?Maybe some poker or how about bridge?I haven't played that in years."

"Sir, I think that I had better head off to bed.It's been a long week." Leo grimaced as he tried to rise from the couch.Josh leaped across the room to offer a hand.Leo accepted gratefully.

"But hang onto your money because tomorrow I am going to be ready to take you all to the cleaners. "He added trying to sound cheerful.As he got upright, he brushed Josh away.

"Well, I'll be looking forward to that, my friend," said the President reaching out to squeeze Leo's shoulder as he passed him.The President couldn't resist a backward glance at Leo as he slowly ascended the stairs.Josh could see the pain in the President's face as he watched Leo disappear around a corner.The President turned to the rest of the staff.

"Okay, I think we all know that he has a reason to be a tired guy.So what's wrong with the rest of you." Demanded their Commander-in-Chief.

"I'll play." Said Sam helpfully.

"Are you sure that you shouldn't be heading off to bed yourself, Sam?You're not exactly one hundred percent yet."

"You won't be using cards that are hard to lift or anything?"

The President grinned at Sam.

"I'm in," added Josh.

"I'm pretty sure that I am not going to be good company tonight." Toby said quietly.

"Toby, I wish you could put this behind you for awhile, at least for this weekend." Asked the President gently."I am going to need your energy in a few weeks when we resurrect this thing."

"Toby, I am sure that we are going to come out with a good compromise.I'd like to send out some feelers about it next week, if that's okay." Added Sam sympathetically.

"So, was I the only one not told that we were putting this away?It's getting to be quite a pattern, you know." CJ said sarcastically still looking at the fire.

"Sorry, CJ.My bad." Said Josh.

"Oh, don't worry about it, Josh.The press managed to fill me in on what was going on."

"Kincannon?"Toby said suspiciously.

"Yeah, why do you want to know?"

"Oh, no reason, CJ.It's just that he seems to always have the scoop.Kinda got wonder how a guy like that gets so many exclusives, don't ya."

"Trying to imply something there, Toby." Said CJ pointedly.

"Did you really have to leave him for last today?I mean, is this something that the two of you have worked out?Where he gets the best positioning at the press briefing in exchange for…what?"

"Did you really just ask me what I think you did?"Said CJ rising from her chair.

"No, I didn't."Toby said closing his eyes."I'm sorry.I am not myself."

"Oh, Toby, you sound just like yourself."CJ's said in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

CJ stood in front on Toby with arms folded.Toby looked up at her.Neither one of them turned to look at the President as he spoke.

"Okay, that's enough.It seems like Leo had the right idea.Let's get some rest and we'll get together again at breakfast."The President turned and went up the stairs.

"It's no mystery to me why you are alone, Toby.Any woman her right mind would leave you." She said bitterly to him.The President stopped at the top of the stairs. Josh heard a sharp intake of breath come from Sam.Toby blinked once, but never looked away from CJ.CJ's face reddened as she realized the power what she had said. She grabbed her bag and started out of the room.

"CJ, wait." 

"Please Mr. President, I need to be alone." CJ pleaded not turning to face anyone. 

"Will you be okay?"

She nodded briefly and then rushed past him up the stairs.

"Sir, I'll make sure that she gets settled in okay."Josh offered as he went after her.

"Toby?"

"I deserved it."He said shaking his head slowly. "I do this to people.I gotta keep them at arm's length, you know.It just seems to be who I am."

"You gonna be okay."

"Yeah."

"See you, tomorrow." 

"Yeah."

"As far as disasters go, this weekend is starting to give the Titanic a run for its money."The President joked to a silent response.

Then he hesitated for a second as if to add something more, but thought better of it and climbed the stairs. Sam had sat quietly through this entire exchange.He hated to see Toby and CJ fight like this.He had so much regard for both of them.Especially Toby.He knew that Toby promoted an image of a difficult and cynical man.But the truth was far more complicated than that.Toby was a private man who didn't share much of himself.Very few people knew that Toby was the kind of man who wouldn't let a forgotten, homeless veteran die an unhonored death.Or that he spent three of his Sunday afternoons at the office helping Bonnie's son prepare an essay for a private school.He only showed people what he wanted them to see.And the funny thing was that the people who did know him somehow felt compelled to help him keep his secrets.

Sam didn't quite know what to do for Toby so he thought he would just sit here quietly and be a companion in silence.

"So I noticed earlier that you're taking your pills again."Sam jumped a little when Toby spoke.

"Yeah."

"So I guess you decided to give your mother some peace after all."

"I did it for both of my mothers."Sam answered quietly.

And while Toby couldn't quite manage a smile, he was able to give him a grateful look.

"Well Sam, let's get you to bed now." 

Toby got up and started to gather up both his and Sam's baggage.Looking upward, Sam mouthed a quick prayer asking that his friend be allowed some peace and comfort this weekend and then he followed him.

***********

****CJ sat up straight in her bed breathing heavily.It took her a minute to calm herself. Around her the room was still dark.The heavy drapes were drawn against the windows."Maybe."She thought.She groped the nightstand for her watch and glasses.Holding up the watch, she saw 2:07 am."It's not morning." She thought despairingly.She laid against the headboard, her glasses still perched on her nose.The nightmares still came almost every night.Sometimes if it was close enough to the morning, she could get up for the day.This was not close enough.She knew better than to try and live her life on three or four hours of sleep.

The nightmares came in different forms.Sometimes it was about the blood being everywhere.Sometimes it was about her friends dying all around her.Sometimes it was about the press briefing the night of the shooting.In her nightmare, reporters would ask her questions.Only she didn't understand any of them and so she just stood there with blood on her pants trying to reason through the many voices shouting at her.

None of her nightmares were that far from the reality of that night.Josh had found her and Toby huddled together watching the emergency personnel.Josh was all energy and anger looking for an outlet.He tried to get at Sam through the paramedics and was pushed back.He started off toward the secret service for a report on the assailants when Toby grabbed his coat."Stop it," he hissed at him."You're going to have to be the adult here tonight.CJ and I can barely see straight right now."

Josh stepped back, startled.He shook his head and blinked for a minute."We need to be with the President.That's where we belong," his gut screamed.He herded CJ and Toby into a waiting car ignoring their protests."We can't help Sam and Leo right now," he yelled at them."Let these people do their jobs.We belong with the President."He was yelling at their driver to get him an open phone line as the car sped off toward the White House.

She fought her memories as she struggled to go back to sleep.She resigned herself to a fitful night. Fighting with Toby certainly hadn't helped any.The look on his face when she had dropped that final shot had settled in her stomach.She wanted to hurt him.She had been feeling this most of the summer.But she felt no satisfaction from it.There was something about Toby that pulled at her constantly.She would defend him to Danny one minute and then try to hurt him the next.She resented it but couldn't seem to resist.She knew that her feelings for him were complicated.She just had no idea what they were.

** **

**End Part 1**

Part Two

**Something to Talk about**

By Sheila

# Dining Area- Main Lodge of Camp David

# Saturday morning

Josh was feeling pretty fuzzy as he entered the dining room Saturday morning.Sam followed a couple of steps behind sporting a rather distinctive hairdo.Josh had chosen to not inform Sam that he had a big clump of hair sticking straight up.Sam was alittle fastidious and he wasn't in the mood to sit around while Sam took another shower or whatever he would think necessary to correct the situation.

The dining area was large.There was a beautiful, long mahogany table and a huge buffet spread out beside it.The room was empty save one Chief of Staff who was seated at the end of the table with the remains of a breakfast and at least three major newspapers in front of him.

"How many people did the staff think they were feeding this morning?"opened Josh gesturing at the large buffet against the wall.

"Good morning, you two."Leo responded with a rather stern look."I would imagine that some of this food is for the many agents that are necessary at Camp David in order to protect the President from the two of you."

"He knows," Sam said matter of factly looking at Josh.

"Ah, Leo, we certainly didn't want you disturbed about a little thing like what happened last night."Josh said nervously.

"Four o'clock in the morning, Josh, an agent enters my room to inform me that two intruders were intercepted on the front lawn.He then gets word from his walkie-talkie that they had been identified as Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn, or should I say a very inebriated Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn."Josh tried to interrupt but Leo merely raised his hand and continued.

"The agent wanted to know what they should do with you two.You see, boys, I am not sure that the secret service has a great deal of experience dealing with important advisors to the President who get drunk and play catch with a cantaloupe on the front lawn in the middle of the night. " 

Sam's face got red.It was embarrassing for him that Leo knew.There was nobody he respected more than Leo McGarry.Plus there was the fact that Leo didn't drink anymore and was undoubtedly wondering about the sobriety of his staff. Sam chided himself for not showing more discipline especially when he was around Leo and the President.Leo knew all about discipline.Here he was, a man with a very painful hip injury, and because of his own past problems, he was going through his recovery without the benefit of pain medications.But you didn't hear Leocomplaining to anyone about the hand dealt to him by that bullet.

"…So I told the agent to have you executed.I thought it would be a good example to others who might be considering an act of lunacy in my presence.But then he starts talking to me about your right to be heard by a jury of your peers and to have counsel and all of that crap.And so I said, "Skip it, just send the Hardy Boys back to bed.""

"Sorry, Leo," said Josh contritely."It was a little tense last night.I guess Sam and I were just looking to unwind.We found a pretty impressive wet bar in a study behind the main living room.I guess we sort of over-relaxed.We should have exercised a little more ..ah, what's the word,….restraint?"

Leo tried to maintain his severe gaze, but slowly as he listened to Josh's apology, his composure began to dissolve in favor of a grin.

"At least somebody had some fun around here last night." He said, eyes twinkling.

Sam began to relax and then remembered.

"Does the President know?"He asked with some trepidation.

"Sam, you have to remember that I am an old soldier.And any soldier worth his salt knows enough to keep a private store of ammunition.The two of you with your Laurel and Hardy act last night will keep me stocked for some time."

Sam wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or a little anxious that Leo was carrying the goods on him.He sat there with a fairly puzzled expression on face trying to weigh the various outcomes of this development.Josh was more a man of the moment.He had already moved onto the next topic.

"Speaking of the President, have you seen him yet today?"

"Oh yes.He and I had coffee together about 6:30 a.m. this morning.He can currently be found upstairs torturing his family members by phone."Leo said with a smile.

"Torturing, you say," Josh said with some interest.

"Well you know that the First Lady and Zoe are in California visiting his oldest daughter, Natalie."

"How are she and the new baby?He's maybe a week old?"

"Just fine.Abby and Zoe are out there to give a hand with the two older ones while Nat gets on her feet."

"Okay, but the torturing part?"

"Well, it is 9:30 am. easternstandard time right now.And the President has been on the phone now for about half an hour with his family.Can you guess what time it is in California right now?"Leo asked.

"He has had them up since 6 a.m. on a Saturday morning?"

"He loves doing this to them.He tells them that he feels closer to them by making sure that they are awake when he is no matter what the time zone difference."

"I wonder how Charlie is doing in a house filled with women, babies, and diapers."Josh wondered aloud.

Leo just grinned.He knew the President was feeling lucky and grateful that none of the bullets hit his daughter or his body man, Charlie. The fact that Charlie was dating his daughter hadn't dampened the President's affection for the young man. But the President wasn't a man to take luck for granted.He had been pouncing on opportunities like this all summer, a vacation in Maine, a diplomatic visit to Canada, anything to get Zoe and Abby out of the spotlight for a while.Charlie had become the President's unofficial representative on these trips.Even though, Leo knew that the President had confidence in the secret service, he just seemed to feel better knowing that Charlie was there, keeping his best interests to heart.

"I'm sure that Charlie is doing just fine."

"Say, Leo, do you have any idea where they put our work?" inquired Sam.

"Well Sam, we came here to be away from work," chuckled Leo.

"Of course, Leo, I just need a couple of hours to browse through some memos on the transportation bill.Then I am your man." Reasoned Sam.

"Well you are out of luck then.The President sent all memos, briefs, laptops, everything, on a chopper back to The White House about two hours ago."

"What? Leo, you're kidding, right?"

"No, the President had a whim this morning and he exercised it.You see, he was pretty sure that left to your own devices, most of you would disappear into your work."

"Leo, I have to be prepared for a senate hearing at 9a.m. on Tuesday."

"Sam, you are going to be fine.The President is serious about this weekend.We have all had a really tough climb the last few months.If we don't take some time to breath, we are not going to last until the end of the year."

"Oh my god, does Toby know?" exclaimed Josh imagining the potential for explosion once Toby learned he was without his work.

"Yes, he does.He came down for coffee about seven this morning.And no, there was no real scene.He made a few comments.Then he sat and scowled at the President for awhile prompting our Commander to lecture him about the lack of leisure time in his life and the obvious effect it has on his temperament.But all in all, it was a bloodless event."

"I bet he has some work hidden in his room."Sam explained to Josh with a look of envy.

"Speaking of our Communications Director, would either of you happen to know what the hell is going on between him and CJ?I heard about their fight last night.I know they mix it up from time to time, but I have never heard of them drawing blood before."

"I don't have a clue.They seem to be working okay together from what I have seen."Sam furled his brow for a minute."But then Toby hasn't let me see much of anything.He's been…oh, I don't know…overprotective. He won't discuss most of the gun control legislation with me. He just gives me minor speeches to write and hounds me about my health."

Josh looked down at the table.He didn't know how to explain how complicated life had been for the ones who were not hit.Clearly Sam and Leo had received the worst of the assassination attempt.They were the ones still struggling to recover from painful, serious injuries.It hardly seemed fair to try and explain what life had been like for the "lucky" ones.

He could remember another time when CJ and Toby had fought like they had last night.He could tell Leo and Sam about the other fight and how the two fights were probably related.But then he would have to talk about that night and there was still too much he didn't want to talk about with anyone least of all, Leo and Sam.

Toby's words had helped focus him that night.He was the one who was going to think straight.Everyone else had been too close.This was how he was going to serve the President and Leo.When they arrived, The White House was chaos.Nobody knew anything useful.The President was in his quarters for the moment with Abby, Charlie, and a very shaken Zoe.Donna had accosted him the moment he, Toby, and CJ came into the West Wing.Her face was red and swollen from crying.He grabbed and held her for a minute.He whispered into her ear about how much he would need her help in the coming hours.This calmed her.She gave him a rundown on who was in the house and who wasn't.He gave her instructions and turned to find that Toby and CJ had disappeared.

He found them in the Communications area.Toby was speaking softly to Kathy, Bonnie, and Ginger about Sam.He was still holding CJ's hand as if unwilling to let her wander off.Josh approached them.It was time to talk about a press briefing.They needed to let the country know that the President was safe and firmly in command.

Toby announced that he would do the briefing.CJ reacted.It was her pressroom.He argued that she was in shock and wearing bloody clothing.CJ accused him of wanting the press to see her as weak and ineffectual.Toby insisted that he would be able to set the necessary tone of calm and order.

CJ turned to him and spoke in a low, deliberate voice."I will do this briefing as it is my proper role.I will wear a different blouse but the bloody pants stay.Let the press, no, Toby, let the world see that we have been affected by a senseless tragedy.Let them see that we are human.You would never be able to pull that off, Toby.That's why it's better that I do it."She headed out of the room and turned to him at the door."I won't break down.I will show them that humanity and strength can occupy the same space."As she rounded the corner, Josh stopped long enough to see the deep pain in Toby's eyes as he stared after her.

"Well Josh, do you know what's going on with those two?"Josh was still staring at the table when Leo spoke.

"It's hard.I don't know what to tell you.I don't really know why they are fighting.It was a bad time. We thought you, both of you were dying.We were just trying to stay afloat. We weren't ourselves."Josh replied absently.

Sam and Leo were still staring at him when the President entered.Before they could get a chance to decipher Josh's statement, the President announced the day's activities.

"Golf!"He exclaimed."It's a very presidential game, you know." 

"Sir, I didn't know you were a golfer," Sam looked puzzled.

"I'm not."He replied cheerfully."That will make it all the more exciting.We can discover the game together.The secret service has clubs and there is a little par 3 course set up for the previous presidents.I'm sure that the rules are easy.I understand that the different names of birds are used to connote your success at any given hole."

"Well sir, that's not exactly right."Answered Sam."Actually birdies and eagles are…."

"Oh Sam, this is no time for details.Grab your stuff.Come on Leo, Josh.We have carts, clubs, and balls.If we don't like the rules, we'll do something else with the equipment.We could have a joust!I have never done that before.Do you think the secret service will let you come at me with a golf club?Let's find out.Leo, you are riding with me. You'll be safer in my cart.I hear these two are common drunks.I bet you didn't think I would find out.Oh and by the way, my new grandson looks just like me.Abby says that he is extraordinarily handsome."

President Bartlett kept up his cheerful banter as he headed down the hallway with Leo in tow. Sam and Josh exchanged anguished looks and then followed after their president.

***************

CJ paced up and down the hallway trying to reason out what she would say.The nightmares of last night had seemed endless.Never before had the dreams assaulted her so intently.At least she knew why.Her fight last night with Toby visited her every time she closed her eyes.She knew the impact of what she had said.His damn eyes and their pain would follow her to her grave if she didn't do something.

The plan was simple.She knew he was in the study off the lake.She would knock, go in and apologize, explain that she had been out of sorts, that she hadn't meant it, and then she would go.No conversation.She would leave nothing to chance.She could then return to maintaining the fiction that her life was fine.

She continued mumbling and pacing in front of the study until she suddenly realized she was playing out this drama within a few feet of a man in a gray suit with dark glasses and electronics attached to his ear.The agent had been observing her dispassionately the entire time.CJ gave him a look.

"Whatever it is, you should probably just get it over with." He said to her.

She gave him a withering glance and opened the door to the study."Damn," she thought, "Knocking was part of the plan."As with so many rooms at Camp David, this one was large, with dark wood and high ceilings.It reminded her of an exclusive hunting lodge.Toby was sitting in a chair near a stone fireplace with his back to the door.He hadn't heard her enter and she took a minute to watch him.She smiled to herself; Toby and his paper.In front of him there were papers spread out across a large mahogany coffee table. Wherever Toby was, there were always sheaves of paper in his arms.His office was a quagmire of paper.And here he was, intently studying pages of something while other pages lay strewn around him.She must have made a noise because his head jerked up in her direction.

"I'm disturbing you," is all that came out of her mouth.Her plan was out the window.

"CJ…"

"I see that you somehow managed to thwart the President's no work plan."

"Yes."He replied warily.

"How did you convince him?"

"I didn't.I figured that he might get clever about our work things and so I stashed the really important stuff in my personal baggage."

"Well, I see that you managed to land on top again."

"CJ…"

"Toby, I am not here to pick a fight.I am here to apologize about last night."

"CJ…"

"Don't interrupt.For once you are going to let me speak and you are going to sit there quietly."

He motioned her to sit, but she ignored him.So he sighed and sat back quietly waiting for her to talk.

"I was wrong.I was upset about being out of the loop.Your Danny comment put me over the edge, but that's no excuse for the way that I spoke to you."

He looked as if he was going to respond and she paused for a minute to give him a "you promised to be quiet" face.He then tried to sit still."This must be excruciating for him," she thought watching him shift uncomfortably in his chair.

"I don't like to see you hurt especially if I am the one throwing the punches.I used to think of you as a friend.And while, that seems to have changed, it doesn't mean that I don't care…what happens to you.I didn't mean what I said."

She paused again as if trying to remember if this was everything she was supposed to say.Toby's eyes never left her.He sat mute waiting for her to continue.

"I'm going hiking now.Bye."She said suddenly.Then she turned on her heel and sped out of the room.

Toby started after her and then at the door he remembered that he was leaving a table filled with sensitive material that he had basically smuggled into Camp David.He called after her, but she kept going.She quickly disappeared down the hallway.

Toby gathered up all of his stuff up quickly and went into the hallway.He spied the agent who was standing guard near the study.

"Where does a person go hiking at Camp David?"

"There is a good trail winding up to Whittaker ridge.The trail starts at the edge of the wood off the south end of the main lodge."Answered the agent.

"Are there bears?"

"Pardon me?"replied the agent.

"Are there bears in the woods?"Toby asked again testily. 

"I don't believe so, sir."

"But you don't know?"

"It's a secured area, sir."Concluded the agent with as much confidence as he could muster.Toby took this for the double talk that it was and headed off down the hall.

**************

Twenty minutes later, Toby was on the south lawn eyeing the trail up Whittaker ridge."This is a dumb idea," he mumbled to himself pacing back and forth."She's fine by herself.She certainly doesn't need me chasing after her."Despite the seemingly solid argument, Toby's pacing continued.He could hear shouts coming from the west and from their tone he figured that there wasn't much of a shelf life left to the President's interest in golf.

He stopped in frustration and thrust his hands into the pockets of his khaki pants, staring down at the ground."Ziegler," he hissed to himself, "if you don't talk to her this morning, you will lose your nerve.By 5 o'clock tonight, you will have a hundred reasons why you shouldn't.It's time.Tell her that it's not her, it's you.You're the reason.She did nothing wrong.Toby, you're the screwed up one."

Toby kicked at the grass one more time.Then he took a deep breath and headed up the path.

*****************************

As he climbed, he thought back to that night.He still feel the sting of her anger.She had done exactly as she said.She gave the briefing in a clean blouse and blood-stained pants.The impact was palpable.The press could see the grief on her face.And yet, she communicated nothing but strength and clarity.He could see the respect in the faces of the men and women of the press corps.She brushed past him silently afterward and Toby bowed his head in frustration.Looking after her, he sighed andwent off to ready the President for an emergency briefing with the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

It was 2 a.m. before the things began to look calm.Josh was holed up in the Roosevelt room with various members of Congress and would be seeing different groups of legislators for the rest of the night.It seemed that nobody important in Washington was satisfied with merely watching the developments on CNN.The President had gone through a dozen mini-meetings of his own.Toby tried to play major domo, making sure that no one took more than a few minutes of the President's time.He finally told Mrs. Landingham to admit no one further and told the President to return to his family.

When he got to CJ's office, it was dark.He knocked anyway.He waited and then turned to leave.The door opened behind him.She was there, looking exhausted and so very sad.She quietly motioned him in and he followed.

"Do you know anything?"He asked softly.

"Mallory is going to call about both of them soon."CJ leaned against her desk.The lights of the city behind her softly illuminated her desk and set her off with a sort of hazy glow.

"I was wrong.You were right."Toby said hoarsely."You were magnificent in that room.You accomplished exactly what you said you would."

"Toby, I was upset.I accused you of being heartless.I don't really think that about you."CJ's eyes were teary.She paused for a minute and then continued."It's just that I am a woman.I don't know if you will understand this, Toby, but it takes a lot of energy to be the only woman on the President's senior staff.I work very hard so that you and the others don't have to do anything differently for me because I am a woman…so that you don't see me as different or less. When you said that you would take the briefing, I got angry.When it came right down to it, I felt that you were saying that I was only good for briefings that weren't important."

"I think I understand what you're saying.You are right about two things.I do see you as different and I did want to do the briefing in order to save you.I wanted to save you from the hassle of dealing with the press corps."Toby scratched his head absently as he considered his next words carefully. "I have been trying to save you all night…ever since your first scream.But I was so…helpless.When I finally got to you, I could do nothing useful except sit with you while they shot at us."She never thought that she would see Toby struggling to find words that fit his feelings.

There was a stillness in CJ's office as Toby softly made his confession.CJ gripped the table behind her and tried, through her anguish and exhaustion, to understand what Toby was telling her.

"As a woman, you are different, but I have never seen you as less."He said slowly."I wanted to save you because you are special…to me, very special…to me."They stood motionless looking at each other.Toby wanted to say more, to better articulate feelings for her, but he couldn't find the words.They were gone.For the first time in his life, Toby was without the language that he so desperately depended upon.

The phone rang causing them both to jump.CJ rounded her desk and picked it up.She said very little.Mostly she listened.He watched her intently trying to gauge her reactions for news about his friends.She looked at him at one point in the conversation and then turned away, speaking to Mallory in low tones.Finally she put the phone down on her desk carefully and turned to Toby.

"Leo is out of surgery," she said slowly."His right hip was shattered.They've removed the bullet and they will go back in a couple of days to put pins in.He is in serious condition.But it looks good."

"Sam's dead."

"No, Toby, he's not dead.They brought him out of surgery about two hours ago.But he is bleeding again.They took him back in about 20 minutes ago."CJ hesitated for a moment.She put her hand on her right shoulder. "The bullet entered here, but it must have ricocheted or something.They are concerned that it may have caused damage near his heart."

Toby just looked at her.He started to sway a little and then she was there.He accepted her embrace gratefully.She cried softly on his neck and he could feel her warm tears.He wondered if she could feel his.He was so weary and sad.She urged him to sit down, and he did, never letting go of her hand, pulling her down beside her.

He held her and they spoke in whispers to one another about good times past, about friends, the campaign, The White House.When her eyes closed, he stopped talking and just held her, stroking her hair.It felt so right to be holding her in his arms. He even thought he could stop fighting his feelings.Maybe he wouldn't hurt her.Maybe it was possible that he could actually be good for her.Maybe Sam would be okay.Maybe he and Leo could return to work. Maybe they could all be together again. Toby prayed for all of these things as he closed his eyes.

*************************

"Wha…?" Toby tried to open his blurry eyes, breathing hard from the shock of waking suddenly.Josh was hovering in front of his face.In that second, he remembered that he was not resting alone on this couch.CJ's head stirred slightly on his chest.

"Sam," He said foggily.

"He came out of surgery about 30 minutes ago, Toby.He is in critical condition but Mallory says the doctors sound hopeful."Josh said quietly.CJ started to raise her head.Toby gently sat her up as he rose to a sitting position.

"He's going to be okay, Toby."CJ briefly rested her head on his shoulder.Toby was acutely aware of Josh in the room.He wore a look of surprise on his face as he watched his two friends untangle themselves from each other.And even though, Toby would have worn the same look on his face if the reverse had happened, he felt his defenses rising.

"What time is it?" He demanded.

"5:30."

Toby realized that he had let himself sleep for hours."While Sam's fighting for his life, you're busy sleeping.And when you're not sleeping, you're coming onto CJ."Toby thought bitterly, feeling disgusted with himself.CJ felt him shift away from her on the couch.

"Okay, well I'm glad that you got a little sleep, guys." Josh smiled nervously. "We have a big day ahead.In fact, I would have let you sleep longer except that there's a visitor for you, Toby."

"What!"

"It's Andrea.She got in with the last group of congressmen about two hours ago.She has been looking for you ever since the meeting broke up.She says that she won't go until she sees you."

Toby didn't look at CJ.He muttered an expletive at the ground and gruffly asked Josh where his wife was.Josh pointed toward the communications area and Toby left without a backward glance.

*************************

Toby sat on a large rock overlooking a lush valley.He had walked for a couple of hours, but hadn't found her.He decided to sit for a few minutes admiring the beautiful view before he made his way back to the lodge.He felt awe at the majesty of this green valley in full bloom.He knew that he should feel more than that, a connection maybe to the land. But he didn't.He would always be a city boy.His touchstone would always be the brownstone buildings of Brooklyn, people calling to one another out of windows, playing on the sidewalk, sitting on the stoop with his friends.He sighed from the memory of simpler times.

He not only had chosen a complicated life, he had chosen to live it in a complicated way.He never returned to CJ's office that day.Once he was able to get Andrea out of the building, he jumped into the chaos of The White House after an assassination attempt.CJ held several briefings that day.Each time he prepared with her, he avoided her eyes.When he finally found the courage to see her pain, to explain what he was feeling, it was too late.She had withdrawn from him as if nothing happened.

Within a week, he could tell that she was seeing Danny.In the gun control bill, he found salvation.He poured all of his energy, anger, pain, and frustration into his work.If pain was the only thing he seemed to offer the people around him, maybe this bill was his chance to do good, to show himself that his life was more than just an open wound.

The sound of a crack came from the trees behind Toby.He grabbed a large stick he had picked up at the beginning of his hike, and tensely searched for movement among the trees."Bears!"He thought.Since he was a kid, he had worried about bears.He had spent many hours in his youth at the Bronx Zoo imagining their ferocity. He dreamt about bear attacks. Nobody was going to tell him that bears were not a threat.

A musical laugh wafted through the trees.A laugh Toby hadn't heard in a very long time.CJ picked her way gingerly through the bushes until she was standing in front of him.

"What did you think I was, Toby?She laughed merrily."You should have seen yourself looking all GI Joe with a big stick in your hands.Would you be under the impression that a button down shirt and khaki pants are appropriate hiking attire?And what kind of hiking boots are those?"She said pointing to the basketball shoes on his feet.

Toby felt his face getting red, but he couldn't help grinning a little.It was worth having it be at his expense to hear her laughter again.

"What are you doing up here?"She smiled quizzically.

"I was looking for you."

"Is there something wrong?"Her smile faded.

"There is no emergency.I needed to talk to you."

"What do we need to talk about, Toby?"CJ said cautiously.

"I want to tell you some things.I want to apologize…"

"You don't need to say anything.We're okay, Toby."

"I want to explain things."

"No, let's go."She turned to leave.

"CJ, please!"

There was something in his voice.She stopped and looked at him.He gestured her to sit on the rock beside him.She gave him a long-suffering look and sat down.There was silence for a minute.They sat side by side on the rock staring out onto the valley.Toby prayed for inspiration.

"I'm a difficult man, CJ."He began.

"Whoa! Is this your newsflash, Toby?Do you think that this is new information for me?"She gave him an incredulous look.

"Let's have a rule like back at the lodge but in reverse where only I get to talk."Toby rolled his arms as if to further define the reverse nature of his request.

"Whatever."She said folding her arms and looking back out onto the valley.He sighed deeply and began again.

"CJ, you weren't so wrong last night, you know.I did drive a good woman away.I didn't want that to happen to you.Not that I'm saying that, you know, anything would have happened that night.But I said some things.I told you some things that I shouldn't have.You don't know what it's like getting involved with a guy like me."

"Well, I guess you were able to save me that night after all."

"I thought we had a "Only Toby can talk" rule."

"Okay, but rule number two is that rule number one doesn't apply when you say really stupid things."She said matter-of-factly.

"What!I am explaining things to you."

"Your explanations reveal you to be a complete idiot, Toby."

"This is not going well."He said morosely.

"Toby, exactly what kind of a dangerous character do you think you are?You say I wouldn't know what it's like getting involved with a guy like you.What's the mystery?What's your evil secret?"

"Is it that you are cynical?"She began.

"Is it that you're moody as hell?" She continued.

"Is it that you're nervous as a cat…on a good day?"She added.

"Is it that you're the biggest pain in the ass in Washington?Nope, that can't be it because the word's out on that one, Toby."She said sarcastically.

Toby sat next to her quietly like a chastened schoolboy.

"Oh, and I really like that you felt the need to "protect" me from you.I don't need to make my own decisions because you're around to make sure that I don't fall into your dastardly clutches."

"Toby, let me ask you something?Did you mean what you said that night?Tell me the truth now.Don't put on your superhero cape and try to save me from anything."

"Yeah."He said softly looking at her.

"Do you know how I feel about you?"

"No."

"Neither do I.You never gave me a chance to find out."

"Are we going back to where you're mad at me for a very long time?"

"No," She said giving him a look."Being mad at you is not, in fact, the fun-filled adventure that you might imagine it to be."

*********************************

Hoots and hollers erupted again from the other end of the room.Leo looked up from the book that he was reading to throw another annoyed look at President Bartlett.

"This is not very relaxing."He informed the President.

"Let them be young."The President advised peering at Leo over his reading glasses.

The yelling exploded again before Leo could respond.

"I'm all for encouraging youthful exuberance," Leo was finally able to reply."But Nintendo?Really, Jed." Leo tried a disappointed look this time.

"I didn't know we had it here.Those two are just like my Aunt Ethel.You left her alone in a room for five minutes and she'd rifled through every belonging in the place."

"At least, let's send them to another room."

"No Leo.The theme of this weekend is togetherness."

"Well then how does that explain spending the whole day without Toby or CJ?"

"They are exhausted.They need a little peace, both of them.Besides can you picture Toby on a golf course?Somebody would have buried a club in his skull by the 7th hole.And that would have messed with the whole rejuvenation theme of the weekend."

"I thought the theme was togetherness."

The President ignored him. 

"Do you think the secret service were ever able to get that cart out of the swamp?"He asked innocently.

Leo annihilated him with his eyes.

What! Leo!I have told you about 7 million times already that I didn't understand the juxtaposition of the forward as opposed to the reverse."

"Yeah, a golf cart is real rocket science."

The President gave him one of his "seeking forgiveness" faces and Leo softened.His mouth, in fact, started to curl up into a smile.

"Agents fully clothed jumping into the water after us.Will you ever forget that?"Leo chuckled.

"How about Josh wading out and offering to throw you over his shoulder like some fireman?Thank God, Butterfield showed up with that little raft thing.I can't imagine having to suffer the indignity of being carried out of a three-foot pond."

"We ended up being the only two dry ones on the course."

"I did get a little tired of my protection smelling like yesterday's fish."

"Hey guys." Emerged from the doorway.Toby entered with CJ behind him.The President gave Leo a look.Who would have expected the two of them to arrive anywhere together after last night?

"How was your day, Mr. President?" Toby began.

"Wet.How was yours?" Toby gave him a quizzical look before responding.

"Not bad actually.I even got in a little hiking."

"Dressed like that?"

"You should have seen him, sir."CJ jumped in."He was like a preppy Grizzly Adams.And you missed the stick.He carried a big stick all afternoon. I couldn't convince him to bring it in."

"What did you need a stick for, Toby?" The President looked amused.

"Yeah, Toby."CJ teased."You never would tell me."

Toby reddened and looked down at his feet, embarrassed.The last thing he wanted to do right now was to explain his childhood fear of bears.

"Oh, leave him alone, you two," came Leo to the rescue."He's in a good mood right now.Let's see if we can stretch it out a little."

"Any crises or anything that we need to address today?"CJ looked at Leo and the President.

"There are always about a thousand things that need to be addressed.But there isn't anything that requires our presence in Washington right now.Well, except for one thing.And because of that one thing, we are going to have to return to Washington tomorrow."Leo said cryptically.

The President and Leo were grinning.The noise in the background had ceased.Josh and Sam joined them.Sam was wearing a smile that size of a Cheshire cat.

"What's wrong with you?"Toby asked Sam suspiciously."You didn't give him more alcohol did you?"He threw Josh an accusing look.

"Toby, I got a call this afternoon from Mike Rosenbaum." Said the President.

"The Republican congressman from Nebraska?"Toby looked confused.

"It seems that he and a small group of his Republican peers want to come out of the closet."

"What do you mean?"

"They have been watching you all summer.They liked your bill, but didn't want to buck their leadership.They figured you might have a chance of pulling it off without their votes.They have been sitting in the weeds all this time.They can see now that it's not going to work waiting around for someone else to do the right thing."

"How many are there?"CJ was barely able to contain her excitement.Beside her, Toby was staring at his president.

"Only five.It's not enough to swing this thing.But we have a much better chance of getting the compromises we want.The President looked at Toby."They want to meet with you tomorrow afternoon.They're ready to do shows, town meetings, whatever you need."

"Am I dreaming?"

Everyone started to laugh.Toby gave a whoop and a holler.Without thinking, he grabbed CJ, picked her up, and twirled her around.Then he remembered where he was and put her down.

"We did it."He said smiling into her eyes.

"Sam," He turned to younger friend. "Are you ready to be a healthy person?I am going to need you.I can already tell that these guys are going to need a babysitter, someone to make sure that they still feeling okay every night before they go to bed.They are going to have to deal with a lot of bullying from the bigger kids.Are you my man, Sam?CJ, you too.They are going to need to know how to cry in all the right places."

"Whoa there, partner.We'll save the strategizing for tomorrow.Tonight we celebrate."The President said."I want to tell you all something."The President had everyone's attention.

"We've come through a hard time together.We've had some dark nights.We've all worked ourselves into a state of exhaustion.And I want to tell you that everyone in this room is a hero in my eyes.All of you fought as hard as I ever seen.And even though, some of us had different kinds of battles," He paused for a minute to eye Leo and Sam, "Not one of us gave up even for a moment.I'm a lucky man.I have surrounded myself with the best and never have I been more aware of that than in the last three months.

"Your strength," The President stepped to Josh.

"Your compassion," He continued turning to CJ.

"Your tenacity," reaching to touch Sam's arm.

"Your integrity," looking into Toby's eyes.

"And your courage," He turned to his best friend.

There was a silence.It was a much different one than had visited them the night previous.There was warmth and connection this time.Everyone sat quietly for a while unwilling to disturb the peace that had descended.But there's always gotta be one in the crowd.Sam jumped up.

"Pizza!Beer!Poker!" He announced and added."It's sort of my idea of heaven."

"Sounds good."Josh said clapping his hands together.

"I'm not sure you need any more beer."Toby said to Sam.

"Please Mom!"Sam playfully begged Toby.

"Oh, so this is a thing now, you calling me, Mom.You do back at the office and I'll bury a pencil up your nose.I promise you that."Threatened Toby with a twinkle in his eyes.

There was more laughter while everyone worked to set up for an evening of poker.Josh stood back for a minute and smiled.He had been the one standing behind the fence that night. Completely helpless, he had watched his friends fight for their lives.It had been excruciating.There seemed to be nothing that he could do for them.He had watched some of his friends continue their fight in hospital, struggling for the very right to breath.He had also watched his other friends battle through the summer about issues of justice and about their feelings for one another.And while theirs was a less tangible fight, he knew the stakes were just as high.

In this moment, he wanted to remember that night.He felt unafraid of those memories. "We have overcome so much," He thought with a sense of triumph.We are back and better than ever."He shook his head in amazement for a moment, and then trotted off to rescue Sam who was being yelled at by Toby for trying to drag a table across the floor using his bad shoulder.

# Epilogue

** **

**Sunday morning**

CJ woke leisurely.No nightmares had visited her sleep.She looked at her watch and saw that it was 6:30 a.m.She remembered that she hadn't gone to bed earlier than midnight, but 6 ½ hours was a good stretch of sleep for her.She smiled to herself. The poker game had been wonderful.Everyone had played hard and laughed hard. It brought many memories back for her, memories that she had forgotten in the last three months.She remembered dropping Sam and Josh off at their rooms and continuing on with Toby.Toby was full of laughter and teasing.It had been so long since they last had fun together. Even so she hadn't expected to be as affected by his good humor as she was.She had found herself reluctant to leave him at his door.But after she got back to her room, she found something nagging at all of her good feeling.She couldn't remember what it was in that moment and had gone to sleep.Now she stretched herself out long and laid back on the bed trying to remember what it was.

She sat up suddenly remembering and without another thought, she grabbed her robe and headed out the door.She hurried down the hall and rapped sharply at his door.He opened it in a t-shirt and pants, looking freshly showered.

"CJ?"He said with some surprise.

She walked past him into his room and sat on his bed.

"I have a question for you."She announced.

"Okay," He said putting some distance between himself and the half-clothed woman on his bed.

"That morning when Josh told you that Andrea was here, do you remember?"

"Yeah," He said warily."Am I going to be yelled at again?"

She waved away his question.

"You swore, got up, and left.Why did you do that?"

"I don't know.I suppose it had something to do with Andrea."

"Toby, I know that it was about Andrea.Getting divorcing was very hard on you.Everyone knew that.You still wear the ring. When you ran off that morning, you were mad.You were mad that you were with me while Andrea was looking for you.You were mad that you might miss an opportunity to re-connect with her, right?"

"Why are we having this conversation?"

"Because I want to know.I want to know the truth."

"I loved my wife very much.The idea of a divorce was repellent to me."

"She came to you that morning."

"Yes she did. Being divorced doesn't mean you stop caring about a person.She saw that I was okay and then she left."

"You wanted something more, Toby."

"CJ, I am not sure what to do with this conversation."

"Dammit Toby, do you still want her?"

"CJ, when are you going to notice this?"He extended his left hand, a hand devoid of any jewelry.

"How long?"She said staring at him.

"Two months."

"No way. I would have noticed."

"I think you were just used to seeing it there."He shrugged."Besides you and I haven't exactly been hanging out this summer."

A knock startled CJ.

"What the hell kind of drop-in am I running here?" Toby murmured before yelling, "What!" at the door.

"It's me, Sam.Can I come in?" came a muffled reply.

"No!"CJ said.

"CJ, are you in there?" came the door.

"I am having a meeting with Toby now.Come back later."CJ returned.

"Oh," Sam sounded surprised.The quiet suggested that Sam had moved on. There was a moment of silence during which CJ and Toby returned to their respective staring.

"I really need a document that Toby has."Insisted the door.Toby's eyes rolled back in his head.

"Sam, if you don't go away right now."CJ yelled.

"Okay," said a muffled Sam slowly."Oh, and CJ, could you bring your briefing schedule down to Leo?He's at breakfast now."

"Not now."

"Why?"The President was sure right about tenacity when he was talking about Sam thought Toby.

"Because I am not dressed right now!"Shouted an exasperated CJ oblivious to the picture now forming in Sam's head.Toby's eyes widened.

"I'm going," Sam sounded alarmed.

"Are you sure you want to tell him that?"Said Toby. The realization of what she had said dawned on CJ.

"Sam, Wait!"She yelled but Sam was gone.

"Oh my God, Toby.He thinks that I spent the night…with you!"

"Well, you sure gave him a lot of reason to think that."Toby tried to suppress a grin. "You could chase after him in that robe and whatever is on or not on underneath."

She spotted the amusement in his eyes and glared.

"Toby, this is a disaster. Think of the rumors this will start."

"I know, CJ, but I am a guy.These kind of rumors tend to work in my favor."

"This is not funny!" She threatened.

*********************************

Sam slipped back into the dining room trying to look nonchalant.Josh, Leo, and the President looked up from their coffee at him. 

"Where is the file, Sam?"

"I didn't get it, Sir," Sam said nervously.

"Why not?"

"Because Toby was busy."Sam dived for the coffee to avoid the President's eyes.Leo and Josh got interested.Sam's inability to deceive effectively was legendary.His evasive, monosyllabic answers were always a dead giveaway.

"What's he doing?"Inquired the President patiently.

"Having a meeting," Sam tried to hang on to a semblance of calm.Josh grinned.He began to suspect that there was a reason that CJ was not at the table.

"Sam, do we really have to play twenty questions?"asked his exasperated Commander-in-Chief.

"No," Sam said miserably.The table leaned in to hear Sam's tale.

*************************

CJ was pacing back and forth.For once, Toby was the calm one sitting in a chair tracking her progress.

"You should sit down."He suggested.

"You should be more helpful."She returned.

"I wasn't thinking about Andrea that night.You were the only thing in my head.The divorce may not have been my idea, but I've adjusted.I've moved on." Toby said.CJ stopped her pacing to listen to him.

"Since then?"She asked softly.

"Against my best advice, my ex-wife has now begun to date a series of dubious characters.But she likes that.That's how she hooked up with me.I wish her the best, CJ."She sat down on the bed as he said this.She looked at him for a minute.

"What are we doing to do about this?"Not indicating which this she was thinking about.

"The rumors?" He asked.

"Okay."

"I have only one suggestion," He said softly.With that, he went over and sat on the bed next to her.

"What's that?" She said looking into his eyes.

"Let's give them something to talk about."He brought his hand up to softly brush her cheek.She closed her eyes and waited to feel his mouth on hers.

## The End


End file.
